Postcards from Equanimity #004 - written 6/24/2021, published 7/1/2021
Dear Friend,
I have been away far longer than planned or desired. Though my reasons for absentia are varied and boring, two things are true.
First, in my delay and subsequent inertia to getting back to the writing desk I am often thinking about the reader. What will he think? Will she even care? Should I give up? Does not writing on time mean I failed already? So forth. It may seem a silly thing, I know, but one I share both as just that but also as a reminder that doubt and imposter syndrome plague us all. So while I bring myself back to a grounded state by believing that you are generous and will be there when I write, I also hope you are able to believe in your moments of doubt that whatever it is that you are struggling with, the struggle is real but overcoming it is just as real, and achievable.
Second, I started writing about Maslow's hierarchy and the things that took me away were both pleasant and ugh.
On the pleasant side, I had to focus on the requirements for my life coaching certification (as most of you know I have been studying to be a life coach) and they are all completed. I expect to get my certificate next week. Also, I had a major work related project requiring completion and submission of the application for a new fellowship in Nuclear Radiology at Mayo Clinic Florida, for which I will be the program director. That was a slog! Now fingers crossed and waiting for approval.
On the 'ugh' side, when I sit down to write about Maslow I am immediately plagued with doubt. And then I start questioning the whole enterprise. But this will be overcome gradually. I am assuring the midwestern in me with tried and true phrases like 'go big or go home' and 'ain't nothing to it but to do it'. Little mantras that bring me back to the desk. I am also concerned about the level of detail that is needed and the length of the finished product. Ultimately, I have opted to just follow my heart and write until it feels right. Hey, maybe that can be my mantra: write until it feels right.
In not sending this out sooner, another thought that presented itself the most was that I am not in integrity. I said I would write, and I asked for your indulgence in reading. Both were well intended but intention alone does not get the job done. Whether good or bad, B- or A+ I must write something and send it in order to follow through. So while I am working on that post I woke up last week feeling rested, blessed for the lack of a better word, and wanted to share a look behind the veil, at the goobers and gremlins that live in my brain while I curate the presentable me. I do so in order to show that we all have this happen sometimes. And it's ok. Whatever your goobers may do, forge ahead with your tasks. If you feel yourself derailed, know that you own the train and the tracks, that you have it in you to show up for your plans when you are ready.
Wishing you a lovely Thursday, and I hope to be back in your mailbox again next week.